The Expert (Short Comedy Sketch)


Our company has a new strategic initiative to increase market penetration, maximise brand loyalty, and enhance intangible assets. In pursuit of these objectives, we’ve started a new project — for which we require 7 red lines. I understand your company can help us in this matter. Of course! Walter here will be the Project Manager. Walter, we can do this, can’t we? Yes, of course. Anderson here is our expert in all matters related to drawing red lines. We brought him along today to share his professional opinion. Nice to meet you! Well, you all know me. This is Justine, our company’s design specialist. Hallo… We need you to draw seven red lines. All of them strictly perpendicular; some with green ink and some with transparent. Can you do that? No. I’m afraid we — Let’s not rush into any hasty answers, Anderson! The task has been set and needs to be carried out. At the end of the day, you are an expert. The term “red line” implies the colour of the line to be red. To draw a red line with green ink is — well if it is not exactly impossible, then it is pretty close to being impossible. What does it even mean: “impossible”? I mean, it is quite possible that there are some people, say suffering from colour blindness, for whom the colour of the lines doesn’t really make a difference. But I am quite sure that the target audience of your project does not consists solely of such people. So in principle this is possible. I’ll simplify. A line as such can be drawn with absolutely any ink. But if you want to get a red line, you need to use red ink. What if we draw them with blue ink? It still won’t work. If you use blue ink, you will get blue lines. And what exactly did you mean, when you talked about the transparent ink? How to better explain? I’m sure you know what “transparent” means? Yes, I do. And what a “red line” means, I hope I don’t need to explain to you? Of course not. Well… You need to draw red lines with transparent ink. Could you describe what you imagine the end result would look like? C’mon, Anderson! What do we have here, kindergarten? Let’s not waste our time with these unproductive quarrels. The task has been set; the task is plain and clear. Now, if you have any specific questions, go ahead! You’re the expert here! Alright, let’s leave aside the colour for the moment. You had something there also relating to perpendicularity?.. Seven lines, all strictly perpendicular. To what? Erm, to everything. Among themselves. I assumed you know what perpendicular lines are like! Of course he does. He’s an expert! Two lines can be perpendicular. All seven can’t be simultaneously perpendicular to each other. I’ll show you. This is a line, right? Yes. And another one. Is it perpendicular to the first line? Well… Yes, it is perpendicular. Exactly! Wait, wait, I’m not done. And a third one: is it perpendicular to the first line? Yes, it is! But it doesn’t cross the second line. They’re both parallel. Not perpendicular! I suppose so. There it is. Two lines can be perpendicular — Can I have the pen? How about this? This is a triangle. It’s definitely not perpendicular lines. And there are three, not seven. Why are they blue? Indeed. Wanted to ask that myself. I have a blue pen with me. This was just a demonstration — That’s the problem, your lines are blue. Draw them with red ink! It won’t solve the problem. How do you know before you’ve tried? Lets draw them with red ink and then let’s see. I don’t have a red pen with me, — but I am completely certain that with red ink the result will still be the same. Didn’t you tell us earlier that you can only draw red lines with red ink? In fact, yes, I’ve written it down here! And now you want to draw them with a blue ink. Do you want to call these red lines? I think I understand. You’re not talking about the colour now, right? You’re talking about that, what do you call it: per-per, dick-dick — Perpendicularity, yes! That’s it, now you’ve confused everyone. So what exactly is stopping us from doing this? Geometry. Just ignore it! We have a task. Seven red lines. It’s not twenty; it’s just seven. Anderson, I understand; you’re a specialist of a narrow field, you don’t see the overall picture. But surely it’s not a difficult task to draw some seven lines! Exactly. Suggest a solution! Any fool can criticise, no offence, but you’re an expert, you should know better! OK. Let me draw you two perfectly perpendicular red lines, — and I will draw the rest with transparent ink. They’ll be invisible, but I’ll draw them. Would this suit us? Yes, this will suit us. Yes, but at least a couple with green ink. Oh, and I have another question, if I may. Can you draw one of the lines in the form of a kitten? A what? In the form of a kitten. Market research tells our users like cute animals. It’d be really great if — No-oh… Why? Look, I can of course draw you a cat. I’m no artist, but I can give it a try. But it won’t be a line any more. It will be a cat. A line and a cat: those are two different things. A kitten. Not a cat, but a kitten. It’s little, cute, cuddly. Cats, on the other hand — It doesn’t make a difference. Anderson, at least hear her out! She hasn’t even finished speaking, and you’re already saying “No!” I got the idea, but it is impossible to draw a line in the form of a cat…ten. What about a bird? So, where did we stop? What are we doing? Seven red lines, two with red ink, two with green ink and the rest – with transparent. Did I understand correctly? —
— Yes. Excellent! In which case that’s everything, right? Oh, oh, I almost forgot, we also have a red balloon. Do you know if you could inflate it? What do I have to do with balloons? It’s red. Anderson, can you or can you not do this? A simple question. As such, I can of course, but — Excellent. Organise a business trip, we’ll cover the expenses, — go over to their location, inflate the balloon. Well this was very productive, thank you all! Can I ask one more question, please? When you inflate the balloon, could you do it in the form of a kitten? Of course I can! I can do anything, I can do absolutely anything. I’m an expert!

100 comments

  1. Check out the new episodes of The Expert: Square Project!
    http://bit.ly/SquareProjectEp1
    http://bit.ly/SquareProjectEp2
    http://bit.ly/SquareProjectEp3

  2. The ones that have management jobs, they are there cause they wanted to do management.
    They wanted the power, not the dirty works and above all no responsibility.
    Often you will see them doing nothing other than taking all the glory to climb the ladder faster.
    They are the worse you want for management, but once they find their way up ,they will promote people like them that are more likely to agree with them and fire the janitor.

    The older a management is, the more likely you will find them at the top, that's why government are often runs by incompetents.

  3. YouTube is really trying to tell me my situation right now. Why do we go to work to face such nonsense daily when it is obvious that these people are the ones that is better gone and the world would be a better place.

  4. When you set the mold for corperate institutions, this is what you get just before the fall of life as we knew it. You can flush the toilet now I am ready to go,

  5. So draw two green lines. Then tell them it's seven red lines. If they question it, say it's the new model. Job done. Look at porn.

  6. Anderson is not an expert. You can draw transparent lines in any colour. Transparent red lines are definitely possible. On that basis you can also have transparent red line in blue ink which would solve the problem of not being able to draw red lines in blue. C'mon….this is basic stuff! Call me if you need a real BSE (BS Expert)

  7. Anstone as an Expert he should offer a 4 dimensional solution , 3D perpendicular x-y-z axis in a tri-dimensional time-space continuem where-in we group 3 transparent red lines in the past; one red line in the present leading to 3 perpendicular x-y-z axis blue shift red in future due to debt being money . Apply for a 60 billion dollar negative interest loan to finance the endeavor.

  8. I find myself in the position of the managers in this video, and I promise you I will continue kicking your butts like this forever, coz at the end of the day I am the smart one.

  9. Just draw the lines on a red canvas, you can draw anything with any color and there are still an infinite number of "red lines". It could be a projection of a 7-dimensional surface. What a bad engineer, can't even think outside the box 😉

  10. Me playing with "pro" teams (clans) in a battle royale game.

    We're heading towards a stupid position
    Me: tell them that's a dumb position, gets out of the car guys (I get out of the car

    All of my team: runs into gunfire stupidly and gets downed
    Me: stays back and starts picking off enemies
    My entire team shouting: HEAL ME HEAL ME so loud that it's distracting me so I deafen until I'm done
    My entire team: healed by me after I wipe the enemy squad
    We win the game and go to lobby. I get a message on my screen:
    You have been kicked from the team.
    Next game I play solo squad like normal (was only playing with them to carry them)
    I wipe a squad
    When i look at who I killed: it was my old team.

  11. This is so true. When u say no to their idiotic demands then in most sarcastic and annoying chief will say "so u can't do that, I thought u have 10yrs of experience in it" and others from commerce background will laugh with him
    So just simply say yes in the meeting and do whatever u want they will knw nothing

  12. For more videos like this click…

    https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLiYr953LmYjr69vRsRbshg-fM-5Bq5GhM

    ~ An give a thumbs-up here if you like the above playlist.

  13. Would work, but only if the engineer thinks outside the box a bit.

    First, the kitten bit as that's the hardest step.

    Get an outline of a kitten, and draw it as one continuous line (in black, as we are only templating here, we will draw the real lines later). The key is abandon the idea that a line must be straight – a curved (kitten shaped) line is still a line.

    This leaves you six lines to flesh out the detail of the kitten; you will want eyes, a "w" mouth, probably a line separating out the bottom of the head from the outline and so forth.

    Next, ensure any line which crosses or terminates at another line is at a normal to that line (a normal is the same as a perpendicular; the angle at each side of the contact point is the same). thus you now have seven lines, each strictly perpendicular.

    Finally, take two glue pens. add green ink to one of them. Layering a sheet of paper over your kitten "template" draw the seven lines, some in green and some in transparent (uncoloured). Now before the glue dries, sprinkle red foil glitter over the whole thing, and allow the excess to slide off.

    You now have seven red lines, all strictly perpendicular, some drawn in green ink, some in transparent, and one in the shape of a kitten.

    you are on your own for the balloon though 😀

  14. The answer is to draw red lines and say you did it without using red ink, but you use red ink and then give credit to your boss for having the idea.

    Thats how you navigate this problem. Do the job and make your boss look good so it doesn't fall back on you.

  15. To anyone who hasn't felt they had to comment "What's stopping us? Geometry. Ignore it" – thank you for resisting the urge. You've made the world a marginally less shitty place!

  16. Here's my expert witness comedy sketch. It involves waterproofing made from recycled condoms: https://youtu.be/R62lquH94uU

  17. My team had a saying – We the unknown, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much with so little for so long we can now do anything with nothing.

  18. Holy Crap! This sounds like me talking to my managers! Constantly asking me to draw red lines, all strictly perpendicular to each other, then telling me to use green ink. Or blue, or transparent. Then demonstrating what they want, which isn’t actually correct! It’s amazing the similarity.

  19. Some time ago I had a meeting with a client who requested an electronic development.
    Suddenly they demanded that the device be certified for a guarantee of zero error and an indefinite useful life.

    I kept thinking, frankly I didn't know what to answer. Such a product can only be done by God and I, although at that time I was young, beautiful and intelligent, I knew it was not possible at least for me.

    In fact, it is not possible for any human being or company to guarantee such things.

    The only thing that occurred to me was to give my excuses, I stopped from the seat and left. Relieved to get away

  20. Need 7 dimensions and 2 parallel universes to draw 7 perpendicular lines…in one universe all red means transparent and in another universe all red means green….

  21. SOLUTION: Take a red cube, draw your seven red lines using blue or green ink or "transparent" ink or whatever they want by filling in the red cube leaving only the edges still red. You will have more than seven red lines to get your 7 perpendicular lines to each other but that is "a feature not a flaw". You could argue that you drew only 7 and the others were already existing … thank you for your efforts on this project.

    I was CEO of a tech company … I figured out he solution under 3 minutes into the video. My per diem is negotiable.

  22. Should have added a couple of con-calls to an senior consultant to make it more realistic.
    Great video though. Loved it. The frustration after a client meeting on the initial scope, mid project and pre launch have different scenes which are hilarious and frustrating at the same time.

  23. You must think you are really smart to say you could do it in 7 dimensions… Very intellectual that… Show me smart guy, then I will be impressed !!!

    You are no better than the know nothing executives.

  24. Corporate RACISM! Portraying the ASIAN as the geometric Expert. What….white people cant b experts in geometry? Oh the humanity!!!

  25. Lol. I hate this. Even your own team goes against you. I was given an almost impossible task that I now have only a few days left for. They're going to expect me to work late. I'm just going to tell them it's their problem because they sold something that I said was not going to be that easy to make… #ARDevelopment

  26. Every time I watch this I get so annoyed… Because this is reality… Especially the "You are a specialist of a narrow field, you don't see the whole picture" part.

  27. So how about this, you use a 3D shape of three perpendicular red lines; and you say the other four are in higher dimensional space and that's why nobody can see them. Problem solved.

  28. expert: it's a triangle, the lines are not perpendicular
    manager: why are they blue?
    expert: I have a blue pen
    manager: that's the problem, draw them with red ink
    expert: that wont solve the problem
    manager: how do you know before you've tried?
    expert: please god help me

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