Brewstew – Eye Doctor


https://brewstew.com The last thing I wanted as a kid
was a big-ass pair of glasses hanging off my face *Pop* Which is unfortunate, when you
just so happen to blind as shit as a kid I was so blind..
You know the big E on the seeing-eye charts? Yeah, I couldn’t even see that bitch I’d be playing a little league as a kid Be all the way out in the outfield,
couldn’t see shit, be like, “Hey guys, are we still playing?” *Whoooosh-thwack!* In the school it was even worse,
the teacher’d be like, “Do all these math problems on the chalkboard” And of course, I’m sitting 100,000 miles away,
practically in the fucking hallway Like, “There’s a chalkboard in here?” My parents would take me
to the doctor and they’d be like, “Our kid keeps running into walls..
uuhhmm.. we think he’s autistic?” And the doctor’s like, “Well, he’s not autistic,
he just can’t fucking see anything” “Why doesn’t he have glasses yet?” And I was like, “Shut your mouth, old man!
I don’t want any of these goddamn glasses!” When they’d test our vision in school,
I’d just wait, have a bunch of kids go ahead of me And just memorize what they would say,
when they’d read off the chart “Next person!” “Ahem.. EZYXWVUT!” “Boom! You can all suck it!
I can see just fine!” “Uh.. the chart’s over there!” So I’d go to the shitty-ass eye doctor And if you’ve never been to the eye doctor before,
then you don’t know what hell on earth is And one of the first tests
they put you through, is for glaucoma And the doctor’s like, “Just put
your chin up on this machine here” “And we’re gonna shoot
a little puff of air into your eyeball” “Okay? You’ll barely feel anything..” *Damn thunderous bang* “Alright, let’s do the next eye” And then they throw their
torture chamber device on your head And start making you read stuff “Alright, tell me what you see”
Like, well, I still don’t fucking see anything But I feel obligated to at least make a guess Like I’m playing some shitty carnival game Like they’re gonna give me an oversized
stuffed gorilla if I get them all right I’m like, “Uh.. M.. lowercase q,
the ‘at symbol’.. uhhh..” “A Goomba from Super Mario World” “How am I doing, doc?” “You got ’em AAALLLLRIGHT!” *Hooorrraaayyy*
*Applause* No, not even close.
I was clearly blind as shit So they put me out in the waiting room,
and I’m looking at all these frames on the wall And I’m thinking, “Well, if I got to wear glasses,
I might as well go for the Jeff Goldblum look” Because.. because he was fly as shit! And the doctor’s like, “Easy there, Sonnie.
Your family’s insurance only covers these frames” And he point to one lonely shelf, that’s filled with
the most hideous glasses you’ve ever seen in your life Ones with double bridge frames in there So your glasses won’t break
when the kids throw rocks at ya Glasses, that would be bigger,
than kids’ book bags at school “I can’t feel my nose” Well, that’s because
your fucking glasses are 14 pounds I’m like, “Oh, thanks a lot, doc!” “I said Jeff Goldblum,
not fucking Jeffrey Dahmer!” “I’m not wearing these glasses, Mom and Dad!
I’m gonna get kicked in the balls!” Zachary gets kicked in the balls
every day at school Fuck that! I’ll keep catching baseballs
with my face, before that happens My parents are over there,
trying to make me feel better “Well, you definitely look a lot smarter!” “No, I look like I’m gonna get my ass beat
at school, that’s what I look like, Mom!” But I did wear them outside of school Because it was actually pretty nice
to see things every once in a while! Everything didn’t look like
Nintendo 64 graphics anymore Everything was so vivid! I didn’t even recognize my friends
the first time I’ve seen them again “Man, you guys look different!” We’re in the car on the ride home, I’m looking
out the window, reading everything that I can “That sign says ‘STOP’,
that sign says ‘Speed limit 25′” “That sign says..” “Shut the fuck up! Okay? We get it!” “You can see again,
telescope eyes, it’s no big deal” “Why don’t you go read yourself a book?” “With your Judge-Judy-looking ass”

100 comments

  1. I recently just had a Eye Doctor appointment and I got really scared during the Puff test but it didn’t really hurt as much, The doctor told me they got a new machine so it’s really easy

  2. There are literary doctors for peepees (orthopedic docs), I was there, more than once
    I than had to get an operation-
    I should stop talking
    IN CONCLUSION..
    THATS THE HELL ON EARTH

  3. favorite quote "That sign says stop. that sign say 25 miles per hour, that sign says 'Shut the fuck up' we get it you can see again go read a book with your judge Judy lookin' ass"

  4. If been to a doctor the eye doctor and I don't remember they blowing air into my eye I remember that I needed to look into it and I saw it think a house

  5. One time (on a Friday in school) we went to it but it was just for my brother. It took so long (five hours) but it was mostly waiting. It took so long that they closed!

  6. I’m autistic and I have never ran into a wall

    Ps. I know this is a joke I’m just fucking with you though seriously I am autistic

  7. Wait if brewstew is in ohio then how is his school so much simmilar to mine? CHURCH ACROSS THE STREET ENDS ON 3:15

    Edit:press the time link before u ask me WERE DO U LIVE

  8. I'm not trying to be that one annoying kid but I actually love going there except for the air thing in the eye that one that one really pissing me off other than that I love to see anybody else agree please please don't leave any hate comments I just actually like it except for the air thing

  9. Why didn't he just set his chunk render distance higher? Like, sure, his PC might be shitty, but if it's such a big problem he should be able to deal with some lag.

  10. That sign says stop

    That sign says under 25 speed limit

    That sign says shut the fuck UP

    😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

  11. I had to look at a freaking balloon when I got my glasses,yes a picture of a balloon with the chin things hurting my chin..

  12. "Shut the fuck up. Okay, we get it. You can see again. No big deal. Why don't you go read yourself a book? With your Judge Judy lookin' ass."

    And I'm DEAD!!! LMFAO

  13. Accurate. In addition to taking those rigorous tests, i have to get shit dropped into my eye to dilate them and leave the eye doctor s office looking like Stevie Wonder except with shitty plastic shades on my face..

  14. This is one of the funniest brewstew stories to me 😀

    As a person who is blind as hell and wearing glasses for like twelve years, I can say this is all accurate. My friend once described his first experience with glasses on as “switching to full HD” and that’s I think a perfect way to describe it.

  15. the fukin glucoma tests are hell
    for some reason i took it twice and by the first time they confirmed i had glucoma so why the fuck

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